Some new year resolutions for Corbyn

Apparently, there are moves to change the Corbyn image in 2017, to make him more "electable". He is too often accused of lacking leadership qualities, and as a consequence, the Labour party of lacking clear policies. A possible solution is for the press to be alerted, using social media, to the fact that policy statements will be delivered by the leader at certain public events.

     Similarly, the party, rather than investing some of its repleted funds in election gimmicks like pink mini-buses and Ed-stones, should announce donations to food-banks and to charities for the homeless, like Crisis. Media coverage of Corbyn and other Labour politicians will thereby increase, highlighting differences between Labour and the other parties.

    Some suggestions for new year resolutions for Mr Corbyn:

 At a prison where riots have taken place recently, be seen with your shadow lord chancellor, Shami Chakrabarti, talking to staff and inmates. Announce policies to reduce prison numbers, and divorce Labour from the so-called "authoritarian arms race". Be sure to add that you`re leaving that particular "race" to the rightwing Tory and Ukip parties, who seem to believe that they appear "tougher" by sending more people to prison.

    Not only attend an Arsenal match, allow yourself to be interviewed, where you state your support for safe-standing areas at all grounds, and that your government would legislate accordingly. Similarly, your government would denounce all football clubs which spend millions on transfers and players` pay-packets, but refuse to pay their regular staff a living wage. 

       Be seen at a food-bank, or charity, actively involved. When interviewed you make the announcement about the Labour party donating some of its recently accrued "wealth" to good causes, highlighting the government`s preference for spending on weapons and renovating buildings, rather than on helping people. Make sure you are always accompanied by the relevant shadow minister, to show the party`s unity.

      Visit a comprehensive school in your constituency with Angela Rayner, and be seen talking to staff and students. Here your announcement concerns the party`s opposition to Tory and Ukip support for grammar schools, explaining that comprehensives do a great job for all children, not just a small minority. Be sure to say that you are opposed to secondary moderns, the destination of 80% pupils in areas where selection takes place. Add that a Labour government would increase the starting salary of teachers, and alter the current Ofsted inspection process, to ensure stress levels and workload were reduced.

      Make a visit with John McDonnell to HMRC`s headquarters, where again you chat with staff, and announce that the number of tax inspectors would be restored under Labour to pre- coalition levels, to get to grips with tax evasion and avoidance. More staff would ensure the fat cats were targeted, not just small businesses. Stress how your government (say this often; it will sound as though you mean it, and it`s probably "prime-ministerial"!) would make tax avoidance and evasion punishable crimes. Additional staffing costs will be met by the increased revenue collected. On the same visit, emphasise the income tax changes benefiting the low-paid, and making the wealthy pay their fair share, which you will introduce. The Laffer cirve, you will say, is a myth invented by the rich to keep their taxes low.

       Be seen buying a round in a pub. Here you point out the social usefulness of pubs, especially for the lonely. Far better to be able to sit in company rather than buying alcohol in supermarkets, and drinking alone, at home. With this in mind, you will announce that your government will change VAT rules relating to food and drink.

      On a well-publicised visit to a care home, be visible helping the staff deal with their patients. Here the relevant announcements about zero-hours contracts and the minimum wage can be made, and how your changes to income and corporation tax will keep the NHS safe from predators, and increase pay for carers. You must stress how yours would be a "caring government".

     At a building site visit, in your hard hat, you will say that trade unions are vital for the country`s future, and that your government will not bow down to CBI pressure, but will insist all companies must recognise the rights of trade unions at the workplace. You will add that when you say that workers` representatives will be on the boards of all large businesses, you mean it!

       I hope these help; you`ve got my vote, but it looks like you have a job on your hands to persuade a few more.

Happy New Year, Jeremy.