The Andrew Neil interview with Johnson

Andrew Neil`s interview with Boris Johnson, as imagined and summarised by Bernie Evans. 

 As Neil is chair of Press Holdings Media group, which owns the Spectator, he would definitely not ask about the hugely anti-Semitic columns written by Taki during Johnson`s time as editor. He does, however, have a reputation to uphold so the interview might well have proceeded like this.

AN: Will you apologise, prime minister, for repeatedly lying to the British public, saying that you will "Get Brexit done" in months? You know full well that having a withdrawal agreement passed in parliament will lead to many more  years of further negotiation about European trade deals.

BJ: Get Brexit done! That`s what, um, this election is all about, and, um, my government ...

AN: Will still be working on trade deals with the EU in the years to come. Now let`s move on.
A supposedly well educated person like yourself should surely be able to detect hypocrisy, but you still manage to be a big critic of, and highly offensive to, single mothers. You blame them, and these are your words,  for "a generation of ill-raised, ignorant, aggressive and illegitimate children", yet you fathered a child when married to another woman. How many children, exactly, have you managed so far?

BJ: Andrew, the British public, um,  want to know about,um, policies, not,um, private stuff like that.
AN: Not even about whether you spend Christmas with your children, opening presents with them, listening to the Queen`s speech, and so forth?
 BJ:  Andrew, of course not.
AN: What? You don`t do that?
BJ: I was, um, referring to the, um, other...Listen Andrew, when I say that I`m going to do something, I achieve overwhelmingly what I set out to do.

AN: The garden bridge over the Thames wasn`t exactly "achieved overwhelmingly", was it? You`re very good at wasting the public`s money, aren`t you?

BJ: That`s ridiculous. I have never....

AN: Thousands and thousands on the bridge, then there`s the £218,205 spent on the water cannon for crowd control, not to mention , was it £100,000 given to support the company owned by your then mistress Jennifer Arcuri?  A billion on the No Deal arrangements! 

BJ: That`s all, um, in the past now Andrew, and what I want to, um, pledge to...

AN: You`re here to answer questions, prime minister. It`s not a party political broadcast. You don`t have a very high opinion of ordinary British people do you? Your father thinks they "lack basic literacy". Your Home Secretary, Foreign Secretary and International Trade Secretary co-wrote a book in 2012 in which they described British workers as "among the worst idlers in the world". You must agree with them or you wouldn`t have given them such important positions? Are you going to claim you didn`t know about the book, "Britannia Unchained", and that you will sack them immediately for holding such views or will you apologise to all British workers?

BJ: Andrew, I can`t, um, be held responsible for....

AN: Will you apologise to the British people for misleading them over recruiting 50,000 more nurses? That was a lie, wasn`t it? 18,500 of them intend to leave the profession! I ask you again. Will you apologise?

BJ: Now look, um, Andrew, um old chap. What I meant, um,  to show was ...

AN: That the NHS is far from safe in your hands?

BJ: Why would we sell off the NHS, um,  to Americans when....?

AN: Because you will be desperate for a deal and accept any demands Trump makes. NHS and chlorinated chicken? Let`s move on.

Why haven`t you paid the Iranians the £400m debt owed from an arms deal in 1975? As foreign secretary you promised you would, to help bring about the release of Nazanin Zaghari-Ratcliffe, but you didn`t, even though it`s seen as the biggest reason for her imprisonment in Iran.  Are you going to apologise to Nazanin`s husband and young daughter?

BJ: Now look, Andrew. What, um,  I meant to say, um, was that....

AN: Isn`t this typical of the true Boris Johnson, saying or doing  anything to get you off the hook, and hope that everyone forgets in a little while? That`s what happened when you refused to take part in Channel 4`s debate on climate change, isn`t it? Are you going to apologise to David Attenborough who called your refusal "shameful"? Why didn`t you attend? Is it because your party came 4th in a Friends of the Earth league table, scoring a measly 5.5 compared to Labour`s 33, and you know the vast majority of voters, especially those under 30, want a government which will reduce global warming?

BJ; That`s, um, a ludicrous assertion, Andrew. My, um, government will ...

AN: Really? As ludicrous as you saying you were against austerity?

BJ: After the um, Labour government had, like they always do, um, crashed the economy, and...

AN: You`re presumably referring to the world banking crisis, which incidentally, your chancellor of the exchequer helped to cause by selling derivatives when he worked at  Deutsche Bank.

BJ: Andrew, Tory governments have, um, always...

AN: Seen women as a weaker sex? That`s why you refuse to give those women born in the early 1950s the money they are most certainly deserve. You`ve criticised Labour for pledging over £50bn for this but you, with your expensive education, must have some grasp of economics, and know that with financial multipliers, a large proportion of that money will come back to the Treasury in the form of taxation. Now, I ask again, will you apologise to these women, and while you`re at it, to all single mothers ? Why don`t you just apologise to all women, prime minister, for your misogyny. And all black people and Muslims for your racist comments? In fact, just about everyone in the UK. You`re not fit to be their prime minister, are you?

BJ; Oops, is that my phone? Excuse me, Andrew but I must take this. (Listens. Whispers "Thanks Dom. Owe you one"). Sorry Andrew, Top secret emergency Have to go.